Mother's Day

Mother's Day has never been one of my favorite holidays. I belong to a club, a secret society - the "motherless daughters". My Mom died when I was six years old. When I was younger, in school and Girl Scouts and such (yes, I was a Girl Scout, and a pretty good one at that, if you don't count the fact that my badges were stapled to my sash) there was the inevitable "Mother's Day project" that would come up, planting seeds, or making potholders and such. Always I would have to make my project for "someone special", and even though there are several really great women in my life, none of them could ever fill the void of my missing mother. And so, every Mother's Day became for me a reminder of what I didn't have.

Now, I have been blessed in the most incredible way. I am a mother. I have three amazing children and one angel in heaven. Mother's Day should be a reminder to me of what I do have. I love my family, and I thank God for them every day, but, Mother's Day makes me anxious. If I could, I'd rather just skip it. My kids tell me they love me every day. My husband does too, and he also tells me that I am a great Mom. I don't think my children or my husband for that matter, need a calendar to remind them to appreciate me. I hope they never will. Still, Mother's Day comes, and society makes a big deal about it (cha-ching) and so I go along.

This week I went to a special "Mother's Day Tea" with First Son at his school. I was really excited about it, because he was so excited. For days beforehand he would tell me " x more days till Mother's Day" and then when the day finally came he awoke early and jumped in bed with me saying "Mommy, today is Mother's Day, you get to come to my school!" His enthusiasm was absolutely contagious. The kids were very cute, they loved showing off their classrooms, and demonstrating their daily routine to the Moms (pledge of allegiance, reading the calendar, singing songs). I came home with a mystery plant that First Son cultivated from seed (I hope I don't kill it), and a place mat with fingerprint flowers, and a lovely Mother's Day poem which, even though it was copied en masse on a Xerox machine and glued onto every Mom's flower picture, made me a bit weepy. It was a lovely preschool afternoon, and I am grateful to First Son's very creative teachers for putting it together. In a certain way I guess life comes full circle, as those "Mother's Day projects" are back, but with a whole new meaning for me now.

With my family, I "celebrated" Mother's Day a day early as I am working tomorrow. Hubby asked me what I wanted to do, and when I thought about it, I decided that what I really wanted to do was to spend some quality time with the 3 cherubs. I have been so busy and task oriented lately, that I realized I really just wanted to play with my kids. So, we packed up and headed to the Ocean. We played and played, we made sand castles, and a Mickey Mouse face in the sand, we played Frisbee, and we waded in the freezing cold Atlantic. We had a blast. I took a ton of pictures. I sat in my beach chair, holding my baby, listening to the ocean waves and the sound of children's laughter. My children's laughter. It was a great day.

As much as I might want to avoid the whole Mother's Day thing, I can't do it. It's everywhere, so I do my best to swallow my already repressed emotions and get through it with a smile. I try, but deep down I have a muti-layered sense of melancholy. I think about the other members of this atrocious club I belong to - my 2 sisters, my good friends Jeannine & Patty, and Florian, and DD. I think about all the little boys and girls who struggled with their "Mother's Day Project" this year, especially little Cassidy, my husband's cousin's daughter who lost her Mom this year, and only just turned five. In a perfect world we should all appreciate and celebrate our moms each and every day, and even in a special way, as we see fit, not because the calendar or some card store or plant sale tells us it is that day of the year. Alas, we don't live in a perfect world, and Mother's Day comes each May. I have many more "Mother's Day projects" to look forward to, and I will treasure all of them, as I do each of my beautiful children. I will cherish every precious memory of my own dear mother, and I will think about and pray for everybody who makes his or her "Mother's Day project" for "Someone Special". I will also remember and pray for those mothers, whose arms are empty on Mother's Day and every other day, even though their hearts are full.