A big deep sigh....

Thank you so much to all of my friends who either commented, e-mailed or called with words of encouragement. Thank you to those of you who thought happy thoughts and said silent prayers, you are very much appreciated today. Ok, so I am definitely more at peace now than I was yesterday. I have had my sonogram, I have seen my baby, and I had a lengthy chat with a smart doctor. I feel much better.
I am glad I took that class in statistics in college, cause we sure talked a lot of numbers today. For the record, my brain doesn't work in numbers, it works much better in words, but I managed to comprehend pretty well without engineer boy (a.k.a. Hubby) having to explain much. I credit this to all of the "words" that I have been reading on this subject lately. Here's the deal:
Nobody can tell me with absolute certainty that my baby does not have Downs Syndrome. They can't tell you that yours doesn't either. The tests that I have had are only screenings, and calculate nothing more than "risk" or probability. So, the earliest test, the "ultrascreen" said that my risk was even lower than average for my age, about 1 in 600. The second test, the AFP test said that my risk was much higher than average for my age, about 1 in 250. They did a third "analysis" called an "integrated analysis" which looks closely at the results of both tests and produces a third number, this time 1 in 800. This third test however is not so much scientific as it is statistic, and it hasn't been around long enough to be sure of its validity. Ok...so what next? Today's sonogram showed no additional markers for Down's Syndrome, or any other abnormality. Again, not a definite, but a probably. Most importantly, the baby's heart looked like it is developing normally. Often children with Down's Syndrome suffer from heart problems.
My concern with having a child with Down's Syndrome, well, my biggest concern anyway, would be making sure that any special medical needs could be easily met in the hospital where I deliver. This is the one thing that would make me consider an amniocentesis, because my usual hospital does not have a high level Neo-natal intensive care unit. The closest one can come to a sure answer about Down's Syndrome is to have an amniocentesis where they use a needle to extract some genetic information. However, this is a test which carries a 1 in 200 risk of miscarriage. This test can tell you if your child does have Down's Syndrome, with about 98% accuracy. Since the overall "statistics" show me at low risk, and the sonogram shows no signs of developmental issues, I am comfortable proceeding without the risky amnio and delivering as planned.
I would also just like to state that I love NSUH. It is far. It is really inconvenient, but it is so worth it. I have had sonograms done in other facilities, and it just doesn't compare. I take into account the fact that my friend works there as a sono tech, but even beyond that, even if I didn't know anyone there, I would still make the 37 mile trek, pay for parking, and deal with all of the "north shore" types and their Mercedes' and BMWs. There are many reasons I like NSUH, the comfy "beds" that I lie on while having the procedure, the big screen monitor positioned on the wall for me to see, so I don't have to crane my neck trying to look where the tech is looking, but most importantly to me, is the access to doctors! The sono techs are friendly (you'd think that would be a given, but trust me, it isn't) and clearly know what they are doing. They take their time and answer your questions, but then, when they are finished, you get to see a real doctor. The place where I used to go to have sonograms done never gave any indication that there was even a doctor present, much less willing to come in the room and talk to you! Today my doctor came in, spent almost as much time with the sono-wand in her hand as the tech did, and answered all of my questions, never once acted like I was just a dumb patient who should take her word as Gospel, and absolutely helped to set my mind at ease.
When all was said and done, and hubby and I were alone in the room, I sighed a big sigh of relief, and I even shed a few tears. The stress of this situation had built up over the last few days and weeks, and it was such a relief to be able to just let it all go. Thank you God. Of course, only time will tell for sure, but I am okay with that.