Oh Tanenbaum

The Christmas Tree. It is one of my favorite, maybe the favorite, part of the Christmas season. I am not talking about any old Christmas tree, I am talking about my Christmas tree. My very own - my family's tree. Deep in my heart I have always yearned to have my own tree - in the same way I have yearned for husband, hearth and home. When I was a child we had a tree, an artificial one - although back then we just called it "fake". For a lot of years it was a real "Charlie Brown Tree". I don't have any decorating memories of my childhood tree, although there were a few ornaments I remember and cherish. For the most part I would come home from school and the tree would be decorated. My Dad had done it while I was away working on the three R's. I can remember my Dad being very proud of it, calling for all the relatives to come over and "see the tree". It was a nice tree, pretty lights, pretty ornaments, it certainly did it's job, but I didn't have a strong personal connection to it.
When I was a young adult I lived with my older sister and her family for a few years. In their house, Christmas is the ultimate holiday, and if they could get away with leaving their light up reindeer on the lawn all year they absolutely would, not out of laziness, but for pure merriment. Christmas tree decorating in their house is a big deal. They have a party, just for themselves! They make special party foods, and eat them around the tree, while they unwrap all of the special trinkets from years past that adorn their tree. Even now, the kids are all grown and some have their own families, they still must go home to "decorate the tree". While I lived there I would partake in the decorating party to an extent, but as each kid unwrapped their ornaments, there was not much for me to do, and despite all of their efforts to include me, I felt like an outsider. I couldn't wait for the day to come when I would have my own tree.

Then I met the man who would become my husband. We were so in love. Our courtship was magical. He was such a romantic. Seriously, one day he brought homemade pancakes on a breakfast tray to my sister's house, knocked on the door and asked her to give them to me when I woke up. One day he left a bottle of my favorite sunscreen on the dash of my car after a conversation we had where I lamented the constant teasing I got from my family for being SPF obsessed. Our first Christmas together was just as special. About a week before Christmas he brought me to his house, to his bedroom where he had set up on a small table a real, 2 ft Christmas tree, and said it was "ours". To this day it is the best Christmas gift I have ever received - if you came to my house today you would see a picture of it in a frame displayed with all of my other Christmas pictures. We when right to the store and bought a string of lights, some red bows and a little angel to perch on top. We also bought one special ornament, a sand dollar painted with two adorable baby penguins. Penguins, to represent the two of us, because we met and spent so much of our time together dressed as "penguins" - working in catering. We decided then and there that we would not put any ornaments on our tree unless they were special, no colored balls just to look pretty, and so began our "collection".

Now, of course we have our own beautiful family. We have stolen my sister's tradition, and each year we host our own Christmas tree party. Everybody gets to choose a treat! Last night we had our party. We ate cocktail shrimp, pizza bagels and pigs in a blanket. We washed it down with apple juice and red and green M&M's. As we unwrapped each ornament we told it's story. The vacation, the party, the special friend, the favorite teacher, and of course, lots of "baby's first". At the end of the night, when our own special arbor was properly adorned with pearls and ribbon, when every bough was dressed in our special memories, when an angel was perched on top and a skirt wrapped below, we each took our place on the sofa. The lights were dim, and the music was cued. Curly girl had the honor of "throwing the switch", and the lights came aglow as Aretha Franklin belted out "Oh Tanenbaum" in the background. We always light our tree with Aretha. It was my favorite part of the night, always is - such a magical time. I stared lovingly at my tree, at my family, at the six foot tall fresh cut evergreen standing in the corner of m living room, dressed to the nines. Proof positive that I have my own family, my own tree, that I count!

Tonight as I write this I am totally emotionally drained. All of the cherubs were fast asleep, well, 3 out of 4, but 3 was tucked safely away in his crib babbling to himself. Hubby and I sat together in the dining room wrapping up gifts for the cherubs and making a list of what we still need to get through the 25th. You know, our own version of "Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap..." - when suddenly from the living room there arose such a clatter - we gasped to see what was the matter! The whole tree fell flat on it's face. Crash, smash, timber! We have no idea why. We are so thankful that nobody was hurt. We have cleaned up the mess and decided to wait until tomorrow to "redress" the situation. So many beautiful glass ornaments were lost, broken to shards. First Son's first Christmas, Paddy boy's First Christmas, our beautiful American flag ball, all gone. There are several more ornaments in the "hospital" awaiting a transfusion of Krazy glue. I have cried my eyes out. Such trauma. Thankfully, we didn't lose that much. A lot can be fixed. We still have our penguins. The boys both have other First Christmas ornaments. Nobody got hurt. And...I still have more mini hot dogs and biscuits in the fridge...for the do-over party.