The conversation

I spent a lot of my day today thinking about September 11, 2001, specifically how I could deal with the delicate issue of teaching my children, and talking to them about it. I can't bear for this to become just something they read about in a textbook someday. I feel an immense responsibility to impart to my children a sense of what September 11th means to everyone who lived through it. But...they're little. 9/11 is incomprehensible for me still, and I have had 7 adult years to process it.

I asked some friends for their opinion, asked what they tell their children. One friend's son knows some because he has older siblings; One friend's son knows more because his dad is FDNY; one friend's children know some because their uncle served 2 tours in Iraq. Ultimately though, every family, every child is different.

First Son is six. He is smart. He is sensitive. I have been waiting with trepidation for the moment when he and I would have our first real conversation about 9/11. I have been so anxious that I will make a mistake. That I will say too much, or not enough. Today, my moment came, and although I felt utterly unprepared, I think it went well.

We were sitting together in the dining room going over his homework. I asked casually what he did in school today, and asked if they had spoken about it being "September 11th".

First Son: Yeah, Mrs. B asked us about it. Dylan said that buildings in New York City Fell Down
Mom: What did Mrs. B say?
First Son: She said, "yes, Dylan, you're right."
Mom: What do you think ?
First Son: Mom, could you tell me about it,.... please?

Wow. I took a deep, deep breath. Here I am, the moment. I feel completely unprepared, but as in so many other parental situations, this moment was not about my needs, but his. So, I took another deep breath and asked God to please, please help me with this.

Mom: Ok, but I need to tell you first, that I might cry when I tell you. Ok? Don't be scared. It was a very, very sad day, and I might cry, Ok?
First Son: Ok.

Mom: This happened before you were born. There were two very tall buildings where a lot of people worked, they called them the Twin Towers, or you might have heard, The World Trade Center
First Son: Oh yeah, the World Trade Center
Mom: There were some very mean, very bad people who hate America, and they wanted to do something very bad, they wanted to hurt us very bad, and they did.
First Son: What did they do?

How do you put it into language that is respectful, truthful and not scare the crap out of the kid??

Mom: They stole some airplanes, and they crashed them into the buildings, and that's why they fell down.
First Son: Did people die?
does he grasp the concept of die?
Mom: Yes, my love, a lot of people died. That's part of why it's so sad.

Some quiet time...I could see his wheels turning...

First Son: Mom, the people in the buildings...were they scared?
Mom:<> Well, I think that God was with them, so, no I don't think they were scared.
(wow - where did that come from - it's brilliant, and true...I hope)
First Son: Oh, yeah!

More quiet, then I asked if he had any more questions...

First Son: Mom, do you know what? The people, if they hate America, what they should have done was they should have not stolen a plane, no, they should have...you remember the plane like we took to go to Disney? They should have gone on a plane like that and, instead of crashing the plane, they should have just gone somewhere else...if they hate America

Mom: You're absolutely right.
First Son: Mom, you're crying...